this girl

somewhere along the way I became this girl
I don't recognize her

she's not like the old one,
people tell her secrets
seek her advice and hope she'll reassure them

she's not afraid of much anymore
after everything she's been through
there's not much left to scare her anymore

this girl gets angry more easily
but she's a better listener
she doesn't know if anything will feel the same again

she's alone
she's broken
but her fractures have begun to heal
into something stronger than she ever could have been before

Little did I know that in my Mom's struggle with cancer, I too became an expert. Recently, an adult I very much admire's brother was diagnosed with lymphoma. Before she even had to say a word I recognized the look on her face. Scared shit-less and trying to pretend everything will be ok. We sat down to talk and she asked my advice.

I wish you were physic
and could read my mind
tell me what I need to hear
because I can't tell you
you care too much

I love you

the day I became an adult, was the day I told my mother goodbye

even though we complain, secretly, I like wasting time with you

light danced across faces,
pausing on noses and cheeks,
reflecting of the tracks of salty tears.
emotion hung heavy in the stagnant air.
the sweet smell of smoke permeated the room.
tired hands linked us together,
in a bittersweet begining.

I wish you would call, I finally feel ready to share